Marchelle Carl, LPC and Lacie Baumer, LPC
As we end one year and prepare for the new calendar year, this is the time to take a moment to reflect on what has been accomplished and our “New Year Goals.”
The way we word our goals and what our motivation for the goal is matters. To meet a goal, it has to be personal and you have to have “skin in the game”. If your goal is personal and specific, it’s much easier to achieve and reduce anxiety, shame and blame if not accomplished. For example, a very popular and common goal geared toward physical appearance is to “lose weight and get a swimsuit body by summer!” How is that goal helping you be the best version of yourself? Is that going to truly make you happy? You’re still the same person on the inside, no matter what your body looks like in a swimsuit.
When looking at changing our mindset to better set ourselves up for success and reduce anxiety with our goals, we first need to have a restructuring plan regarding how to achieve this. Author, Sonya Renee Taylor, who wrote the book The Body is Not An Apology created a “radical movement” toward self-acceptance and self-love by shifting our mindset to recognize and own our own imperfections and strengths. With this shift, we are able to make space, accept our shortcomings and celebrate our wins!
So, let’s dive in: what are your goals that you want to achieve? When want you to practice! Let’s make this an attainable goal(s), therefore, it is highly encouraged for you to limit your goals to no more than five for the calendar year. Now that you have the “what” your goals are, think about the why? Does the why match the what? If not, that could be a sign that you may not complete that goal due to not being vested.
Below we will reword common goals that people often make for themselves:
I want to lose 20 lbs by working out 5 or 6 days a week.
If this is your goal we want to break it down to understand the why and make sure this is attainable, reduces anxiety, shame and blame if not accomplished and set you up for success:
- Why exactly 20 lbs?? Does that help with a health goal to decrease blood pressure or lower your A1C?
- Remember, it is okay to keep your goals simple, if the goal to lose weight is driven by the desire to fit back into your favorite jeans, perfect!
- Is working out 5 or 6 days per week realistic? What might you have to “give up” for this time commitment?
- Remember, we all have to start somewhere. Therefore, if it realistic for your body to make a goal to work out 5-6 days a week if you haven’t worked out in years? Start simple and small, 2-3 days a week and then slowly increase your way up so it is safe and sustainable!
What happens when you miss the number of days you are working out? Often, this is when we, as humans, start to have negative thoughts and / or feelings that “shame” us because we didn’t do it. We are busy! Sometimes, we over commit. What if we aren’t seeing the scale go down so we think, “what’s the point?”
Here is what it looks like if we “reword” the goal:
“I’m going to take small opportunities to move my body throughout the day!”
We have now taken out the idea of this goal being all about weight (a number) and turned it into an idea of creating opportunity for movement, fun, activity and health benefits. Therefore, the mindset is to find ways that you can literally move anywhere you are! At the playground with your children? Do lunges or high knee steps around the playground while watching them! At the office, take the stairs versus an elevator! At home, do dips on the couch while watching your favorite show! On vacation, do a walking tour of the city, utilize a hotel gym or pool!
We often look at our goals with a broad mindset, without taking into consideration if it will work for you. Here are a couple more examples: “I’m going to save money”, or “I’m going to ‘Home Edit’ my whole house”. While these goals on their own are not problematic, They are not specific and you have no personal tie to it. What are you saving money for? How are you going to do it?
For some people saving money looks like adding one dollar for every day of the month to an envelope (one dollar on the first, two dollars on the second…). By the time you get to the end of the month you’re putting $27 on the 27th, $28 on the 28th, etc. While this is one way to do it, it may not be attainable or sustainable for you. For another, it might be paying cash for everything instead of using a card and putting the change away at the end of the day.
When it comes to the goal of keeping your house tidy, organized or doing a ‘Home Edit,’ the biggest question is what does clean and organized look like? We don’t know about you, but we love The Home Edit and the way a good Clea and Joanna rainbow looks in clear bins! Oh, the bins! But a full ‘edit’ of your home might be unattainable working 50 hours a week, taking care of kids, and making those therapy appointments. Maybe this looks more like setting aside 30 minutes at the end of your day to put things away, and pick one project a month to ‘edit’. Or even better? Have a closet cleaning party! Take turns with your besties setting aside time to help each other, maybe have a clothes swap, and attain your goal.
Making the goal fit your personal life and abilities is imperative to your success. Thanks to social media, the internet, and reality TV, we are inundated with what our life “should” look like. We know cognitively that many of these are not the full story, staged, or just plain fake, but somehow we forget and hold ourselves to these as standards.
We think goals are great! However, a goal shouldn’t add stress to your life, cause you anxiety, deplete dopamine, or put you in a “shame spiral” or funk. We want to help YOU establish goals that will align with your values, add meaning and purpose in life, but are simple enough to be attainable!! So the next time you set a goal, ask yourself, “am I doing this for myself?” And, if it sounds too hard, reword your goal as if you were talking to a loved one who is asking you for help! Because it is never too late to work on a new version of YOU that makes you leave a little sparkle everywhere you go!
