Ava Rotrock, CSWA
With the holidays upon us, many of us will be shopping, cooking, baking, eating, and spending time with loved ones. For many people, the holidays are also a difficult reminder of those we have lost and wish we could share this time with them again. Grief is often unspoken and we may not know what to say to one another after a loss. So many people are well intended, but not sure how to support one another. You may have heard of the Stages of Grief, but commonly, we are unsure how to process grief during a time filled with traditions and memories. Below are 3 tips to navigating the holiday season and grief: community, connection, and compassion.
Community
Your support people are so important during times of grieving, all types of relationships, a significant other, family, friends, and support at work. We are such relational beings. Although they may not know just what to say, just spending quality time together really shows that they care. At times, we may need to reach out to others and let them know that we need support, it is worth it, and they may need it in the future as well. People can’t read our minds, and may not remember certain dates, so asking directly for how they might best support you, is one of the best things you can do for yourself. You can be however direct you choose, letting someone know you are having a hard time, or just letting them know you’d like to spend time together. Spending quality time with others can be a helpful support during the holiday season.
Connection
There are many connections, habits, traditions, and memories that you have with this person who has passed on. It can be difficult to be reminded and not be able to share ongoing memories with this person, how about honoring those memories by sharing with others or continuing those moments as a source of connection. Celebrating their birthday with a memory, doing an activity you used to do with them, sending a prayer to them, this can help your love feel like it has a place to go. It’s also a way of honoring them by continuing that connection.
Compassion
Treat yourself kindly this season especially, but all year ‘round as well. It can be easy to judge yourself during your grief process, ‘I shouldn’t still be this sad,’ or comparing to someone else ‘they are over this, why aren’t I?’ To treat yourself with more compassion, think, “what would I say to a friend who is experiencing this?” This can help us to take the perspective of caring for or encouraging someone we care about. Be the friend you need to yourself first. Taking good care of your health, doing something special you’ve been putting off, going somewhere you’ve been thinking of, and so much more.
During the holidays, we may get some tough questions and we may not be feeling our best. You can answer with however much detail you are comfortable with. If you want to be honest and tell someone you are grieving, that is a great way to honor your feelings. But, if you would rather not get into the details, you can give a more broad answer. Whatever feels best to you, there is no right or wrong answer. Listen to what you need this season, and take care.
