By Jessie Larson-Wu, LPC. Check out her profile to learn more about her!
Think of the last time something difficult happened to you or you felt a difficult emotion: how did you respond to yourself? Too often we are self-critical or have a hard time offering ourselves the kind of compassion we offer to others in our lives. Self-compassion practice originated in Eastern Buddhist practices and is a process of offering kindness and non-judgmental understanding to ourselves. Self-compassion can help downregulate our stress responses and help us build inner strength.
There are three parts to self-compassion:
- Mindfulness: Being aware of our thoughts, emotions, and sensations without resistance or avoidance. Often, we want to get rid of what we are thinking/feeling or move straight into problem solving. Being mindful means observing what we are feeling without judgment. This might sound like noticing “this is a moment of suffering” or “this is stressful.”
- Common humanity: This means recognizing that all humans make mistakes and experience hardship. This is important because often when we are self-critical, we tend to feel isolated and alone in our experience. When we remember that suffering is part of the human experience, it allows us to feel connected with this shared human experience. This part might sound like “I’m not alone” or “everyone makes mistakes.”
- Self-kindness: Think about how you would respond with compassion to a friend, family member, or child if they were experiencing what you are. Now try to apply that same kind of kindness to yourself with what you are experiencing. This may involve physical soothing touch (such as a hand on your heart or a self-hug) as well as comforting and accepting words. This part might sound like “May I be kind to myself” or “I am enough as I am”.
For more on self-compassion or self-compassion meditations, check out the following resources:
- Dr Kristin Neff: https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-practices/#guided-practices
- Thich Nhat Hanh (video): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cq8MePQ_uUk
- Meditation in Mandarin (中文): https://soundcloud.com/centerformsc/hailan-4?in=centerformsc/sets/mandarin
Reference: “The Mindful self-compassion workbook” by Kristin Neff & Christopher Germer
